By Feline Nimbus, our Guest contributor. Photos coming soon.
It has come to my attention that the mastermind of this blog will soon be traveling over seas and in particular Germany. This is a travel advisory for the mastermind and anyone else traveling.
For those of you who have traveled extensively you have come to learn that there is no place like home. It is at home that you find your true comforts…nice pillows, hot showers, and yes, normal toilets. Many of you might wonder…are their really different toilets around the world…ohh yes! You see in Japan you run into the luxury liners. You will sit down to do your daily duty and then all of a sudden be pleasantly surprised by a warming seat, or you might be caught off guard by the quick cleaning spray. When visiting New Zealand the toilet really does flush in the opposite direction to here. An oddity that might perk your interest and make you go hmm. Beware in China, Italy, or Hungary it is my experience that you might run into a hole instead of a commode.
The worst toilet that I guarantee you will run into, found when traveling in Germany or the Netherlands, is the dreaded SHELF toilet. How does it differ from our standard thrones here at home? The main stand out feature is of course the shelf. Instead of dropping your kids off at the pool and letting them sink or swim; they are like a beached whale hanging out on the sand with nowhere to go. That’s right your pooh is raised up high just for your own personal inspection. I’ve done some research on this dreaded commode and found out a bit about the Shelf Toilet. It was invented by the Germans…leave it to them to want to examine their own schiez! The Shelf Toilets official name is Flachspueler, translation flat flusher.
Now I’ve come up with some pros and cons to the shelf toilet and therefore I shall leave it up to you the reader to make your own assessment of this style of commode.
Lets start with the Pros:
1. When your coffee kicks in and your daily duty calls, there won’t be any catch22 of back splash. Your butt won’t get wet when that slimy sometimes rock-hard substance disengages from god knows where of you. It will land safely and neatly on the porcelain shelf. Unlike the standard toilet, the so-called substance hits straight down to the water, hence the unsettling experience of back splash.
2. You can with all interest inspect your pooh in it’s original natural state without any complications of floating or sinking. It is this feature of the shelf toilet that allows you to tell all friends with precise detail just how bad it really was. (Feel free to use your imagination.)
3. Probably the best feature of the shelf toilet is that it uses less water than that of a standard American toilet. In the words of Jack Johnson Reduce, Reuse, Recycle…I wonder if Jack has a Shelf Toilet in his home?
Now onto the Cons.
Let’s face it your pooh is sitting on a shelf, in all it’s glory, stinking up everything. At least an American toilet uses the water as a sort of protective barrier from the stink. It gives the user a moment or two before the barrier is broken and the scent begins to waif. NOT the case with the Shelf Toilet. A word of advice get in, get out, and don’t inhale!
Make sure to due a courtesy flush. Once is not enough. The Shelf Toilet is a haven for skid marks on porcelain. Make sure you flush twice or use one of those creepy toilet brushes to cover up the deed you just did.
The Magic Carpet Ride.
Just to finish up I want to tell everyone about the magic carpet ride. As you just read the Shelf Toilet is an apparatus where your pooh just does not want to wash away. It could take many flushes or some actual scrubbing to get your deed down the tube. One simple way to avoid any elbow grease is to take some precautionary measures ahead of time. Take a piece of cardboard…or in Europe they call it toilet paper, and fold it in three. Gently drop it on the self…when the time comes to flush, your pooh flies away on a magic carpet ride!
So good luck to those of you who might be traveling in the near future and come across the shelf. I hope that you are well prepared when you encounter the worst toilet ever.
